2B Mindset Month 1

One month ago, a program called 2B Mindset was released and I can honestly say it’s changing my life. This program is NOT a quick fix. It will take time, dedication, and patience. But I truly believe it will pay off!

2B Mindset was created by Registered Dietitian Nutritionist, Ilana Muhlstein, for the company, Beachbody. The product includes 40+ videos of Ilana teaching you about the purpose and function of different foods, how to combat emotional eating, how to change your mindset around food in social settings, how to think about meals if weight loss is a goal, and SO much more. The product is intended to aid emotional eaters and I have found that to be 100% correct! It’s called a “mindset” and not a diet for a reason, there are no forbidden foods, no measuring of foods, and she never asks you to restrict your eating. Here is my review and experience with 2B Mindset at the month 1 mark.

Nutrition Education

Wow have a learned a lot about the purpose and function of different foods! Do I need energy? Eat a fiber filled carb. Do I just need to feel full? Veggies most! Do I need to stay full for a while? Get that protein! I cannot say enough good things about how empowering it feels to learn about food and my body!

Intuitive Eating

I’m a huge supporter of intuitive eating. Still am. But I personally needed a little more guidance with the “gentle nutrition” part. For me, 2B Mindset fits this perfectly. I feel like I’ve actually been able to eat more intuitively since getting started with 2B Mindset. My biggest challenge with intuitive eating has been stopping when full now that I have no “restricted foods.” But as I’m learning more about my body with 2B Mindset, I’m also learning to respect my body more. As I’m growing in respect for my body and seeing weight loss results, I feel less like wanting to trash it by eating past full. A diet is temporary. When you diet you can’t wait to reach your goal so you can, “go back to eating what you want again.” But 2B Mindset is a mind shift. It’s education. It is learning how to eat in a loving way.

The Tracker

The 2B Mindset program also comes with a daily tracker. You don’t record portion sizes, measures, points, or calories, you just write what you eat. So much more intuitive than actual diets. The purpose of tracking what you eat is to be able to look back and understand more about how your body reacts to different foods. That’s it. It’s a learning tool, not a shame and guilt provoker.

The Scale

If you follow any anti-diet or BOPO leaders on social media you’ve seen the rants about the scale. Throw it out! The scale doesn’t measure your worth! Etc. And I agree, the scale doesn’t measure your worth. But it can give you valuable information to hold you accountable to reaching a goal you’ve set for yourself and promise you’ve made to yourself. 2B Mindset encourages you to weigh yourself every day. Yep, read that again. Weigh yourself everyday. I was REALLY hesitant about this part of the program, but I decided to go all in. The basic belief around weighing yourself daily is to learn about how your body responds to different foods. Did it go up? It’s a “learning day” look over your tracker with eyes focused on learning about your body. Did it go down? It’s a weight loss day, look over your tracker and celebrate your body! Ilana clarifies the purpose of the scale more eloquently than I ever could in her videos, so you’ll just have to join me with the program to find out more!

Weight Loss

2B Mindset is designed to help you lose weight. If you’ve been following my journey for a while you know I’ve gained weight and I’ve been having a hard time accepting it and feeling comfortable in my bigger body. I’ve been praying for my eyes to be changed so I see my body with love. I’ve been reading about body positivity and body acceptance. I’ve started following plus size models and leaders in the BOPO movement for inspiration. But the joy of my new body just wasn’t coming. I was loving my food freedom and hating my body. I was still treating my body with hate by eating WAY past full simply “because I could.” And I just didn’t feel like this was my body. So I made a decision. I DO want to lose weight. But I don’t want to restrict. I don’t want to count points or calories only to feel like a “failure” for not abiding by the “rules.” 2B Mindset is THIS answer for me! It’s been one month and I’ve lost 2.8 - 4.4 pounds (depending on the day). You may be thinking, “Um, that’s not very much.” I agree! Any program that comes with quick weight loss is likely a quick fix diet and won’t be sustainable. But losing 3-4 lbs per month? That sounds healthy and sustainable!

Community

When you purchase 2B Mindset, you also get to join an incredible online community support group. This group is filled with people like you and me. They struggle with emotional eating. They struggle to feel positive about their body. They want to encourage each other. They want to get results. It’s great accountability and encouragement!

Join Me

Does this inspire or encourage you to try 2B Mindset? It would be an honor to walk through this journey alongside of you and have you join our team! Email me, journeywithme.juliana@gmail.com or fill out this google form to get on my team!

1 Year Blogiversary

One year ago today I started the Journey With Me blog. One year ago today I put my struggle and my truth out there for the world to know. I nervously posted my first story on my Facebook feed and had eye-opening conversations with many friends in person who didn’t know about my struggle. I’m so glad I started to share my journey and it’s proven to be just that, a journey. I have reached mountain tops only to fall to a valley. I have taken wrong turns. I have ended up in circles for a while. But overall I do feel like a different person, more free, authentic, and honest than before.

Biggest Growth: Food Freedom

I have come a LONG way in finding freedom from the food rules I placed on myself for years and making food neutral. I am so proud of myself! In the last year I’ve been able to do some things like:

• Eat chips and guac when we go out for Mexican food and not feel guilty 
• Order a mixed drink with girlfriends and not worry about sugar
• Go out for ice cream after dinner and not shame myself over sugar
• Keep chocolate in our house
• Put butter my bread and not feel like I’m a “bad person”
• Eat any carb I want to and not feel shame
• Put cheese on anything I want to and not bash myself
• Drink hot chocolate on a cold snowy day

NONE of this was possible a year ago! Freedom from food rules DOES exist!

Biggest Struggle: Body Acceptance

While this new found food freedom has been exactly what my mind needed, it’s come with weight gain and my journey with body acceptance is still a struggle. I continue to compare myself to myself from a few years ago when I weighed less. I continue to be mean to myself when I see my reflection in the mirror. I continue to give myself a hard time when I need to buy bigger clothes. I continue to criticize myself in pictures. Like I said, it’s been a journey and it will continue to be a journey.

Next Steps: Mental Fitness

Deciding to share my struggle and story was inspired by the similar story and complete turnaround of my friend Julianne Condia. Despite me moving to a different state, she is still a constant source of inspiration and motivation in my life. She finds the most amazing personal development resources around topics like body image, self-worth, goal setting, motivation, and positivity to share with her team via a fantastic Facebook group and numerous zoom calls that connect people together in community. Throughout this year I have come to learn that getting “healthier” is not about working out or what I’m eating as much as it’s about what I’m thinking and saying to myself. I need to work on my mindset and thought life. I need to get mentally fit. So I’ve decided to join my friend Julianne’s team in order to be intentional and accountable with a like-minded community to move forward on this journey!

Five Lessons 2017 Taught Me About Body Acceptance

The New Year is a great time to reflect! So I thought I’d take a moment to share some lessons I’ve learned on my journey in 2017.

#5: Get Into a Like Minded Accountability Group

In February of 2017 I came face to face with my disordered eating habits and body dysmorphia. That realization led me to start this blog and also to explore and learn from others who share this struggle. I signed up for a 6 month accountability group with The Body Love Society and it was well worth the money. Although I wasn’t “cured” after 6 months of the group, it helped me persevere in this fight for body freedom. It was a place where I could be honest and listen to other women’s honesty about this fight. Plus the coaches, Jenna and Lauren, are amazing, encouraging, and uber knowledgeable.

#4: Get Help

I don’t know if it was my first out of state move, just my stage of life, or what, but in September of 2017 I was feeling really down about myself, my career, my marriage, and mostly…. my body. I was really struggling with my weight gain and I knew I needed to get some professional one on one help to dig through my dirt. I started seeing a therapist in my new state and I’m so glad I did. If you’re struggling on this journey I encourage you to get help too. Don’t know how to find a therapist? Check out this website and start your therapist search.

#3: Kick Comparison to the Curb

Instagram, facebook, snapchat, etc… they fuel comparison in our minds. How many times have you felt shame when a friend posts a sweaty workout selfie on Instagram? How many times have you looked through the “On this day” section of Facebook only to beat yourself up for gaining weight over the years? How many times have you looked at other women’s bodies with envy on snapchat? We have got to stop! Stop following people that make you feel this way! Fill your social media with REAL women, with body positive bloggers, and with anti-diet nutritionists instead. For a list of some ideas check out my previous post titled, The Power of Social Media.

#2: Focus on Your Mindset Daily

Time and time again I have heard mentors talk about the importance of your mindset on this journey. It feels silly at first, but stick with it! Fill your morning with positive thinking. Mentally envision yourself conquering your day and what that looks like for you. I use this Affirmation Reminder app to help me focus my mindset each morning. I’ve pre-programed (and reprogramed a few times already) the app with affirmations that matter to me. Currently mine is loaded with 5 affirmations from this She Is More article. What do you want to be true of your life each day? Write it down and remind yourself of it. every. day.

#1: Let Your Worst Fear Come True

Finally, my number one lesson learned in 2017 is to let your worst fear come true.

What if my husband wants to leave me?

What if my husband doesn’t find me attractive anymore? Will he leave me?

Will I be accepted if I gain weight?

Have you had those thoughts? Gaining weight has been my biggest fear for quite some time now. And it wasn’t going away even as I started this journey toward body freedom (despite desperately hoping it would). And in 2017, my biggest fear came true. I gained weight. I don’t know how much weight exactly because I had to let go of the scale long ago, but as I shared earlier in my post titled, New Clothes, I needed well… new clothes. And guess what? I’m still married! My husband still adores me! I am continuing to work on body acceptance at this new size, but I’m much further along in the process than when I started! So be patient! Keep fighting! My worst fear came true, but I’m still here to talk about it!

Adios 2017 and welcome 2018! I know this will be another year on my journey and I hope you’ll continue to journey with me!

Engaging the Inner Rebel

As I’ve talked about in many recent blog and Instagram posts, I’ve made big strides forward in my fear of food and disordered eating habits! I no longer fear dessert or carbs or feel like a “bad person” when I eat ice cream or pasta. Don’t get me wrong, this is REALLY exciting, but it’s also come with quite a bit of weight gain. I’ve been struggling to accept myself, but I’ve also realized I am struggling to believe my husband sees me as beautiful or desirable at this new weight. I now deeply understand my fear of weight gain because it’s come true and because of that I'm also able to see that my fear of weight gain is inextricably tied to my identity as a wife. Let me just say my husband has never called me anything but beautiful and reassured me time after time (after time!) that he loves me and is never leaving me. That’s he’s happy and satisfied in our marriage, but it’s like I just can’t really believe it myself. I know this fear is an aftershock of my parents divorce from over a decade ago. I know there is junk I need to dig through. So a few weeks ago I decided to go back to Therapy and it’s been amazing! We’ve been able to dive right in and really get to some important stuff.

The biggest realization I’ve had is around engaging my inner critic… that voice I talked about early on in my post, How Bad Is It? We’ve explored who this inner critic might be, what it wants, why it’s talking to me. It sounds weird, I know, but well… it’s helping. Sharing what we’ve discovered about my inner critic feels too personal for the internet, but we’ve also discovered an inner rebel that has a lot to do with my binging habits.

I have felt emotionally exhausted since the start of the school year. New school, horrible bell schedule, large class sizes, struggles with classroom management, and frustrating run ins with admin have left me feeling like my time is not my own. The schedule tells me when I can and cannot pee, eat, sit, relax, or go outside. Each day is filled with so much unchangeable structure. So when I get home, I want to rebel. And what’s my rebellion of choice? Food.

Eat the ice cream.

I’m not stuffed. There is room.

Cookie butter sounds good.

Yeah, eat the cookie butter.

But you know you’ll feel sick if you eat it.

Just eat it anyway.

You deserve it.

Yeah, I do.

I’m getting the cookie butter.

When this came out in a recent therapy session, I realized how much sense it makes that I have this inner rebel. But it’s not just a new school year that has brought out this inner rebel. The inner rebel has been around for a while, I just haven’t been able to identify it. Now that I know I have this inner rebel that needs - and deserves - to come out, I can let it. Without food. Now I see the importance of prioritizing unstructured time during each day to do whatever I need or want to do in that moment. Now I’m learning to engage my inner critic and my inner rebel: Why is the critic showing up? What does the critic really want? Instead of rebelling with food, is there something else I can do? What do I need in this moment?

We are still exploring how my inner rebel and inner critic are impacting my mindset around my worth in my marriage, but this is a good start. If you’ve ever considered therapy I hope you feel encouraged to take that next step forward on your journey too!

Apple Pie

My mom is a pie whisperer! Her pies are amazing and are always in high demand at any gathering. I’ve avoided making her pies mainly because I’ve deemed pie as a “bad food” for so long. All the sugar, the flour, the shorting… bad foods. But I’m continuing to break free from the restrictive food lists and today that meant giving my mom’s pie recipe a try!

I have SUCH great memories of watching my mom make pies and of course eating them! One of my favorite things to eat when I was little was her pie dough. When I was in elementary school I actually learned how to make the pie dough just so I could eat it (without actually learning how to make the whole pie). I knew I wanted to learn how to make her pie when my husband had his first slice of my mom’s apple pie and literally picked up the plate and licked it clean.

So here we go! Check out my journey as I (try to) follow my mom’s amazing directions to bake my first pie! Let me give credit where credit is due and start by saying you can download my mom’s FULL recipe and intricate directions here.

First, assemble the filling!

Wash and peel the apples.

Then core and slice them. I cut each apple in half, then quarters, then cored them, then cut each quarter into 3 slices.

Next, mix the sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg, and tapioca together. Keep separate from the apples.

Put all of this to the side and get busy with the pie dough! (Cue childhood memories!). Start by mixing the flour and salt together.

Add in the shortening and cut it with a knife, not mashing or mixing. Mom tip: do not over-cut – you should see “chunks” of shortening/butter – that is great- about size of a penny or

dime.

Add the water one tablespoon at a time with a fork. Mom tip: Add water until all flour is moistened and dough almost cleans the side of the bowl. I needed to add 6 tablespoons of water to reach the right consistency.

Gather dough into a ball and split it into two even sized balls (one for bottom crust and one for top). Flatten one ball on a lightly floured cutting board. Here is where my mom’s genius really shines (or maybe it’s well known, but I have never seen it)… cover the ball with SARAN WRAP then roll!

Genius!

Straight from mama: Flip over, dust with a little flour, and put another sheet of saran wrap on top of the exposed dough. Roll so that dough is thin between the two sheets of saran wrap and at least 2” beyond the size of the pie pan you are using. Yeah, I didn’t read that end part too closely and didn’t roll the dough big enough. But it was ok for a first timer!

The saran wrap makes it SO easy to transfer to your 9” pie pan! As you can see, I didn’t quite roll the dough enough, but I decided just to stick with it and see what happens (stay tuned…).

Time to build your pie!! Start by sprinkling some of the sugar mixture on the bottom of the crust.

Now start layering the apples in! I always saw my mom do it this way, so I followed her example.

Now sprinkle with sugar mixture. Go heavy! I didn’t realize how much sugar was actually added to this and I ended up with a lot of extra at the end, so please learn from my mistake and go heavy with the sugar layers. You just keep repeating this process of sugar, apples, sugar until you reach your desired apple height!

This is when I ran out of apples and felt pretty good about it! I texted this picture to my mom in the process and she immediately knew it was going to bubble over in the oven since my bottom dough didn’t overhang the pie pan… smart mama!

Repeat the saran wrap dough process for the top of the pie and lay it on top. Pinch the edges together and voila!

My mom always added a little design (which also helps vent the pie) so I followed her lead.

Pop that pie in a 410 degree oven for 45-60 minutes.

Mom tip: Slip a sharp knife into the center and it should easily enter the apple slice (if it feels hard, it’s likely not fully baked). If the crust is getting darker than you might want, turn the temp down. My mom was TOTALLY right and at about 45 minutes the pie was bubbling over from the sides (where the dough from top and bottom didn’t quite meet) to make a sticky mess in our oven (oops!).

Let it cool and serve with vanilla ice cream or whipped cream. A lovely couple we met recently invited us over for dinner and we brought this for dessert! It was a hit!

It was so fun to try this recipe and so rewarding when your guinea pigs have rave reviews! What a confidence booster!

I felt proud of myself for attempting a more difficult recipe than usual. I felt proud of myself for making dessert and not trying make it the “healthy” version. I felt happy to make one of my mom’s cherished recipes and think back on the memories I have around my mom’s apple pie. Hope you enjoyed my culinary journey today!

Ingredients

Apple Pie Filling

4 cups granny smith apples; peeled, cored, and sliced

¾ cup sugar

1 tsp cinnamon

2 shakes nutmeg (great measurement mom!)

3 tbsp instant tapioca

Crust

2 cups white flour

1 tsp salt

⅔ cup + 1tbsp shortening

4 tbsp cold water

Directions

Make the apple pie filling. Wash, peel, core, and slice the apples. Set aside. Mix together sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg, and tapioca. Set aside.

To make the dough mix together flour and salt. Add shortening and cut it with a knife (do not mash, mix, or use a pastry cutter) into the flour mix. Add water one tablespoon at a time and gently mix with a fork until dough is formed and is just slightly sticky.

Cut dough into two even halves. Take one half and roll it into a ball. Flatten it on a lightly floured cutting board. Cover the ball with saran wrap then roll. Flip dough over (leaving saran wrap on), lightly flour the exposed side, cover with saran wrap, roll again until dough will overhang your pie pan by 2” all around. Transfer dough to bottom of pie pan.

Sprinkle the sugar mixture on the bottom of the crust. Layer with a row of apples. Sprinkle (heavily) another layer of sugar mixture. Repeat the layering process until you reached desired height with the apples, building in as you go.

Take the other half of the dough and roll it out as you did before. Place the rolled dough on top of the pie and pinch together the top and bottom dough pieces. Cut a few vents (or design) into the top of the pie.

Bake at 410 degrees for 40-60 minutes until crust is lightly brown and you can slip a sharp knife into the apple slices easily. Let cool slightly. Serve warm with vanilla ice cream or whipped cream.