In video #2 of 3 in the “Stop Fighting Food” series, Isabel Foxen Duke reveals 3 reasons why we eat: Physical hunger, emotional eating, and binge eating. I’ll let you watch the video to hear her definitions and examples of each in depth, but I want to share about binge eating. I really identify with binge eating as she defines it here. She states, “Binge eating is a reaction to real or perceived deprivation.” I have both issues. Isabel defines real deprivation as the restriction you might put on a food and gives the example, “I’m not allowed to eat carbs.” She defines perceived deprivation as, “You’re physically eating a food, but you’re not allowing yourself to really enjoy it because you keep worrying about how fat it’s going to make you or how you’re not supposed to be doing it.”
My real deprivation journey.
For the last few years I’ve put myself through various restrictions around food. Mainly around carbs and sugar and fats. No carbs at dinner, only ¼ cup of rice at lunch, or no bread for breakfast. Do not eat a cookie, do not eat that breakfast pastry, or even, do not have more fruit. No cheese, do not get avocado on that salad, or never ever ever eat another french fry. And there have been seasons that I have really stuck to some of these “rules.” The deprivation was real for me. Last year I realized I was legitimately afraid cookies because of all the stigma and restriction I have put around sugar. Like it would make me nervous to think about being around freshly baked cookies because of how out of control I might get or how obsessed and shame filled my thoughts would be. That’s not normal! I don’t want to live like that!
My perceived deprivation journey.
This one REALLY hit home. I think for me, I might not even have to be actually eating the food for it to be considered binging. I get so emotionally wrapped up in just THINKING about the food that I don’t even need to eat too much of it for it to qualify as a binge under this definition. Sometimes I’m physically tired after a meeting with snacks present because I’ve been doing so much emotional work in my head around “I want it, but I shouldn’t eat it, but it sounds good, but it’ll make me fat, but it would taste so good, but it’s on my restricted list, but it’s a ‘bad food,’ but it looks so good, but I’m thinking about so much I should just eat it, but I’m really not hungry, but it would probably be really delicious, I could just have a little, I could change my dinner plans…” I could go on, but I think you get the picture. And then if I actually eat the food, a whole other set of negative self-talk comes up, “I can’t believe you ate that, you’re so weak, you’re such a failure, you’re always going to be fat, you’re never going to have any control around food, you’re never going to be free, tomorrow you can’t eat any sugar, tomorrow you can’t have any carbs, at dinner you can have any fats…” Potlucks are the hardest for me. Everyone brings the carbs, the sugars, the fats to potlucks. I think about all of the potlucks I’ve attended and meals we’ve hosted over the past few years that I haven’t really been there for. I mean, I’m there physically, but I’m so wrapped up in that perceived deprivation, that I’m not really there. I’m not really engaging with my friends. Part of my brain is too wrapped up in the perceived deprivation cycle. That’s not normal! I don’t want to live like that!
Isabel summarizes and shares, “It’s impossible to address emotional eating when we have shame around it.” But I’m left wondering, what does it mean to address emotional eating? How do I break down the wall of shame I’ve so strongly built up around food and eating? I enjoyed this video because it put a voice to my thoughts around emotional eating and I find that helpful. But I’m still left with many questions about my next step on this journey toward understanding and finding freedom from emotional and binge eating.
Your Journey
What do you think? How do we break down the walls of shame around eating? Share your comments below!
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