Have you heard the Bible verse that begins, “Love is patient, love is kind...”? Chances are you have even if you’re not a Christian. They are commonly read at weddings and thrown around on pinterest, but I recently heard these familiar verses with a fresh perspective. What if we thought about these words and applied them not just to loving others, but to loving ourselves? How can we read these words and use them to help us define self-love?
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Self-love is something I realize I do very poorly. It’s something I am working on everyday of my journey and I find it really helpful to think about defining self-love with the verbs used in God’s Word.
Self-love is patient.
I get easily frustrated that I’m still not “fixed” or free from feeling crazy around food and bashing my body. I need to remind myself in those un-loving moments, that this is a journey. That patience and self-love is a practice, not a destination.
Self-love is kind.
I can tell myself some pretty hateful things. Saying those things is not being kind to myself. Saying those hurtful things only brings me down and keeps me trapped. Instead, I must continue to replace the negative, unkind thoughts with kind ones.
Self-love is not jealous
Compare much? Guilty!
… She looks good, she’s really skinny.
… She looks good, she’s lost weight.
… I wish my tummy looked like that.
Those statements aren’t self-loving. They are jealous, envious, and an unhealthy comparison. Self-love is about having an attitude of gratitude. Self-love is being thankful that my body got me through another day of work with no aches or pains. Self-love is being thankful my muscles heal after an injury. Self-love is not obsessing about my tummy and bashing myself because my abs don’t look like the women in the Victoria Secret ads.
Self-love does not demand its own way.
I cannot think of anything more demanding of it’s own way than a diet. Demanding you eat this, don’t eat that, never eat this again, eat this now, etc. My journey has led me to practicing intuitive and mindful eating which is quite the opposite of society’s obsession with diet culture. Intuitive eating encourages me to listen to my body and respect whatever it needs in that moment. Definitely more of a practice of self-love!
Self-love keeps no record of being wronged and never looks back.
This one is really hard for me. I often find myself saying,
… when I was skinnier …
… when I could fit into that dress …
… when my arms looked like that….
These comments are not loving. These comments make it difficult to move forward when I continue to look back at my past with comparison and judgement. It’s not just looking back at years ago, I also commonly look back at yesterday and think,
… I ate so badly yesterday, I have to go to the gym today.
… I was so bad yesterday I can’t eat any sugar today.
… Yesterday was so awful I can’t have any carbs today.
This thought pattern is definitely me keeping a record of wrongs and is clearly not self-loving. The self-loving thing to do is to be present. The self-loving thing to do is to make the best choices for myself for that day.
Self-love never gives up, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
Somedays I struggle to be hopeful I will ever find freedom in my disordered relationship with food and body bashing, but other days I feel filled with it. This is a great reminder that self-love is always hopeful. I’ve encountered so many ups and downs on this journey already, and self-love must endure it all. I must continue loving myself and practicing self-love even on the tough days.
I hope you see the connection between God’s definition of love and how we can use it to learn to love ourselves better.
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