I Can: Part 2

Make sure you’ve read “I Can: Part 1” before reading this post.

I continued saying, “I can” to the peanut butter pretzels at work and so I did. And I’m really struggling with shame. I feel like a failure. I feel unsure about this intuitive eating approach. I feel like I have no business sharing my journey with others.

I wanted to write this follow up post (to yesterday’s, I Can: Part 1, post) to shed light on how up and down this journey is for me. How I can feel so confident and empowered on my journey one day and so lost and weak the very next day.

I wanted snacks at my office. I chose to have snacks at my desk. I had been giving myself permission to eat as many peanut butter pretzels as I wanted without judgement in order to begin breaking down my “forbidden food” list and I had been experiencing freedom. But today I kept the snacks out on my desk as I worked, not in my drawer like I had on days past. I told myself, “I got this. I am rocking this new found ‘I can’ mindset.”

Before I knew it I had almost finished the entire bag. I didn’t stop to enjoy them. I didn’t savor them. I fell back into reaching for food anytime things got tough, or awkward, or I felt the slightest bit bored. Eating like this is not practicing body kindness. This is not practicing mindful or intuitive eating. This is some sort of twisted middle ground. Somewhere between wanting to let go of my “bad” food list while still having binge tendencies. Somewhere between experiencing freedom and engaging in self-sabotage.

So I am trying to show myself love and grace and kindness, and acknowledge that I don’t have to be perfect at this. It’s okay to have setbacks and failures. I feel icky today. But I am not going to give up. I am going to keep snacks at work and I am going to keep working on my mindset toward food.

Your Journey

Have you had similar setbacks on your journey? What brought them on? How have you overcome them? Journal about it or share a comment below!