My husband loves desserts. I am scared of desserts. Like literally the idea of being around a plate of homemade hot chocolate chip cookies (made with butter, not banana) gives me anxiety. I’m not sure I trust myself not to eat them all. I’ve restricted my eating of sugar and desserts and deemed them “bad foods” for so long. So I avoid them and then binge on them when they are around. But I want to overcome this! I don’t want to fear desserts anymore! I want a normal relationship with all foods.
The other day I asked my husband what dessert he’d like. I told him I wanted to make an actual dessert and his response was, “like you’re going to make it with all the real ingredients and all the sugar the recipe calls for?” Houston, I have a problem! If that is my husband’s response to me offering to make dessert, I’ve clearly got some work to do here.
So here goes nothing! Journey with me through this Lemon Bar Recipe from my mom. (Who said she got it from my babysitter… I’m 30 now… that was a long time ago)
My husband was out getting a haircut on this lovely Saturday so I decided to blast some pandora pop hits as I began this cooking adventure. As soon as Destiny’s Child, Say My Name, came on, I turned it up and got to jammin! I mean shake my booty while belting out some Beyonce jammin! It was great.
White flour, sugar, and butter on my kitchen counter?! NOT the normal! The crust calls for ½ cup of butter. Did you know that’s THE WHOLE stick of butter?!? Ok. Baby steps. Part of me - a BIG part - felt guilty and horrible for putting a whole stick of butter in this thing. But I need to do it. I need to try it. No more food rules.
I really had to mix this stuff together. It did not get doughy like this for quite some time. If you’re trying this recipe.. Don’t give up!
I did that! It was fun! Popped this bad boy in the oven and moved on to the filling.
I got distracted by the lemons! So pretty!
Heart palpitating. A. WHOLE. CUP. OF. SUGAR. Here we go. I did it! This is okay. It’s okay to bake things with sugar. Remember my daily statements: I believe I can break free from restrictive eating, I believe there are no “good foods” and “bad foods.
And OH MAN that lemon zest smelled good! Around this time I got a text from a close friend that she had just gotten ENGAGED!!! So I did a super happy dance and kept on cooking now with multiple group text responses to her news!
Whip it up and pour it on in and get it in the oven!
25 minutes later, this is what I was working with! When I put the bars in the oven, I forgot the center was liquid and it got a little splashy on the way down. That’s what caused the burning on the edges. But, I’m a recovering perfectionist so I’m posting it anyway!
Let them cool then sprinkle these puppies with powdered sugar and shazam!
I had one in the afternoon. ONE. I wanted more. But I told myself, “I’ll have another tomorrow.” And I will allow myself to have one more tomorrow. Oh and my husband… he took one bite and said, “these are so good!” He literally licked the plate clean (but this is normal for him).
I’m proud of myself today. I enjoyed cooking this dessert and I’m proud of my positive mindset toward enjoying my dessert. This was a positive step forward on my journey today.
Crust:
1 cup flour
½ c butter (softened)
¼ c powdered sugar
Mix ingredients. Press into ungreased 8 x 8 pan, building up a ½” edge (up the side of the pan). Bake at 350-degrees for 20 minutes. before adding topping:
Filling/Topping:
Mix the following ingredients for 3 minutes, then pour over baked crust:
2 eggs (well beaten)
½ tsp baking powder
1 c sugar
¼ tsp salt
2 tsp grated lemon rind
3 or 4 Tbsp Lemon juice
Bake at 350-degrees for 25 additional minutes. Till no imprint remains when touched lightly in center.
Cool. Dust with powdered sugar. Cut into squares.
Your Journey
Do you feel the same way about desserts? Or is there another “bad food” you fear? What’s one thing you can do to bash the “bad food” and take a positive step forward on your journey with self-care? Share your comments below.
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